It's Me, an Itch

Sorry to wake you, it's important

Photo by David Fanuel on Unsplash

12:30am

Hey Steve! It’s me, an itch on your left foot between your second and third toe. What? Oh, nothing urgent, I was just anxious tonight and wanted to talk to somebody.

I think it’s maybe midnight?

While I have your attention— could you scratch me?

12:31am

Was wondering if you’d gotten around to scratching me yet? K, bye.

12:32am

Pretty sure if you give me one deeeeep scratch I’ll be good to go for the night.

12:32am

I owe you BIG TIME! Yes yes yes that feels soooooo good.

Indescribable. Yummy even. I think I’m crying.

12:33am

(You missed a spot.)

12:34am

YES! Thank you. A thousand times thank you. You are the best.

I promise I won’t bother you again.

Let’s. Get. Some. Sleep!

12:34am

I feel terrible bothering you, but… could you scratch me?

12:36am

Ooooooooo-hoo--wee Sweet Jaysus, finally!

12:39am

Dude

___

__

-

12:39am

You got me bro?

12:40am

I ain’t going away, bruh.

12:41am

Don’t be a little bitch. Just scratch me already!

(Criminy)

12:42am

YES!!!!!!!!!

Say, you feel that? I’m kindofa bump now, aren’t I? I’m an insect bite, Steve. HellifIknow. Doesn’t really matter, does it?

Probably shouldn’t have kept scratching me, I’ll tell you that. Bad fucking move, right there.

BTW, I am obsessed with your nails.

1:24am

What’s the matter, buddy, you lookin’ at the ceiling again? I don’t get it, why are you up? It’s like, “I need sleep, argh!” [shakes tiny fist] I get it, so relatable.

What I think you need to do— and I’m just spitballing here— is scratch me.

3:22am

Wake up, wake up! I need to tell you a secret. It’s about your bladder. It’s planning something, but I don’t want to say what.

I’ll only say this. Since you’re getting out of bed, could you grab some hydrocortisone?

---